Reprinted From Penthouse' Unrepentant Voyeur Article, Ralph Gardner
  When I told my mother, with whom I have a relatively frank relationship, that I was writing a story about a masturbation club in Florida, her reaction was, "I always thought masturbation was what a person does on his own. Why do you have to join a club?"   Those were also my sentiments when I first heard about Club Relate, a low-key group of men and women who gather twice a month at hotels around the Sunshine State --- some of its members traveling from as far away as Britain and Germany-to engage in uninhibited masturbatory orgies. Penetration, in case you're already considering joining, is optional.

     The evening's festivities kick off with an extremely civilized social hour in which friends can renew old acquaintance, new members (no pun intended) are introduced, and anybody who wants to can share his or her aspirations for the evening.   "If you'd like to see two girls getting it on, that's your opportunity to say so,' said Simon, a commercial pilot who manages to fly in for seven or eight meetings a year.
At the conclusion of the social hour the doors are locked and the masturbators, quickly shedding their clothes, whip out high-powered vibrators, state-of-the-art dildos (the "Relate wand," a magical implement that can massage both the female G spot and the male prostate, though not necessarily at the same time, is club-recommended), even flashlights-though only for added illumination, not insertion.
"The lighting is subdued," I'm told by Lynda Gayle, Club Relate's randy co-founder, who says that to the best of her knowledge-which is voluminous on the subject of jerking off-hers is the only masturbation-specific swingers' club in America.

    To address my mother's question about what Club Relate offers the recreational masturbator that he or she can't find in the privacy of his or her own bedroom or shower, the answer is: unparalleled visual stimulus. Here are some of the things you'd have witnessed if you'd been lucky enough to attend one of Club Relate's recent meetings:  A beautiful thirtysomething exhibitionist with a "Baywatch' body in black lingerie, who drifted around the hotel suite with a serene smile, beckoning men to pleasure themselves while they ogled her.  Three wives, their husbands forbidden to join them, eating one another out on a king-size bed in a Tampa hotel room. "Two of whom had had no bisexual experience whatsoever," Tom, Lynda's husband and co-conspirator, proudly pointed out.  Ten men coming on one woman-at her request. Tom again: "For women to command the attention of several men at once is extremely flattering to them."

    Club Relate's members-30 of whom on average show up for events--range from unblushing brides in their twenties to seniors whose sexual fires still burn bright. Indeed, for older participants the organization serves as a veritable, fountain of youth. "I've, been able to get older men to come three times in - one night,"  Sharon, a schoolteacher in her forties, boasted. There was also the widow in her sixties who hadn't had sex for years and decided to put her late husband's memory definitively to rest. "When the party started she was just going to watch." Lynda recalled. 'But then she said, 'I've changed my mind I want some of this.' It was like someone had turned a light switch on. I'm telling you, she was a slut that evening. She masturbated several of the guys off.' The widow lady also had her first lesbian experience-with Lynda Gayle, no less. "She ate me up,' the hostess confided, the widow never attended another meeting, but Lynda considers hers a Club Relate success story. "She went home, built a privacy fence around her backyard, installed a hot tub, and is dating a younger man who has a red convertible sports car."

    Club Relate, it's safe to say, is a monument to Lynda's insatiable urge to masturbate and to meet others who share her interest. She even brought up the subject on her first date with Tom. 'Basically I told Tom I masturbate too much,' the voluptuous blonde said. "He pulled his glasses off his nose and said, 'What's too much?' I said, 'I'll have ten to 15 orgasms a day just from masturbation.' And then I thought, Oh no! I've said the wrong thing. Little did I know it was the bait that snagged him."

   The club's first meeting, in 1991, was an unequivocal success.  'It started at four in the afternoon and went on until four in the morning," Lynda remembers. "Of course we broke for dinner.  But it, was still intense.'     That inaugural session featured several memorable scenes, including a threesome involving two women and a vibrator. "We got down on our hands and knees and backed up to it," recalled Sharon, the schoolteacher, who was one of the participants.  'People remember that."    These days the evening is still divided into two sessions separated by a brief intermission. Anybody who's still horney after that is free to adjourn with friends to a private hotel room for an informal third session. Lynda said area hotels welcome the business because club members are discreet and because their credit is good.

     Sharon, who moved to Florida from her native Georgia to be closer to club activities, continues to kick off the festivities. "You know those alabaster eggs you can find at Pier I or at the nature shop?" she asked. "I like to insert one in my vagina. As you walk around it kind of self masturbates. The big trick is to be able to pop it out. It's real warm and kind of interesting to the men.'    Having got their attention, Sharon asks for a few, good men to hold her legs up high as she goes to work on herself with her personal vibrator. "The men like that," she explained. 'It gives them a real close view.   "If she's got a free hand she may be masturbating one of the guys or giving them head," Simon the pilot volunteered.

    Club Relate owes its success to not just its stunning visuals but also its "Thank you, but no thank you" policy. Nobody feels under any pressure, as they might at a conventional swingers' club to get it on with anybody else--neither the young with the old" nor the straight with the bisexual or gay. "I accidentally bumped into a guy," said a new member, "and he jumped back as much as I did which was very comforting."

     The club's chemistry seems the result of perfect synergy between exhibitionists and voyeurs, and between women and the men who slightly out number them. The ladies seem to be able to go much longer than the guys can," Simon noted enviously. It's the men who get the couples into it, and the women who keep them there."  Those who think they have the right stuff, and lots of it, and are over 2l, can reach Club Relate at http://www.Clubrelate.net or write to P.O. Box 574584, Orlando, FL 32857. Annual dues are $45. And the individual party fee is an eminently reasonable - particularly for the multi-orgasmic $50.

    The M.V.P's of one of the club's most recent meetings were Wendy, a 26-year-old homemaker with a dancers body, and Drew, her buff, tanned 33-year-old construction-worker fiancée' -a couple of first-timers who settled into the group's routine seamlessly after some understandable initial butterflies.   Wendy's inhibitions quickly evaporated as the players gathered around to give her a soothing welcome massage. "We started off by just walking around and observing what everybody else was doing," a noticeably more relaxed Wendy said.
 'It's like grocery shopping," Drew said. "You're hungry, but you don't know for what."  To the undoubted disappointment of each of the club's regulars, the couple didn't find anything more appetizing than each other on the store's shelves.     'The few attempts that were made by people wanting to touch me, I brushed off,' Wendy says unapologetically.   They gave of themselves to the group in other ways, however. After mixing a couple of screwdrivers, they retired to a quiet corner. "One thing led to another,' Wendy says with a happy sigh.     "Drew went down on me" triggering the first in a succession of explosive orgasms over the course of the evening, while facilitating those of others who pulled up chairs to follow the action.   All of a sudden I opened my eyes,' Wendy said, 'and all I could see was people.      "You have to understand, when she lets go it's really something To see" Drew bragged. "You can see it in every pore of her body. It shows in her face, in the curl of her toes, the arch of her back."

    What the couple discovered that night was that they were unabashed exhibitionists. They loved fucking each other in public and showing off their hard bodies. After going outside for a cigarette break Lynda Gayle forbids smoking and drugs, and discourages drinking at club events -- the lovebirds returned to the suite, where Drew was hoisted onto one of the club's traveling massage table and Wendy started to give him an X-rated massage, with Lynda Gayle's ambidextrous assistance.  'To see him up there on that table displayed for all eyes to see, and covered in oil, and looking as fine as he can, and knowing he's mine, was awesome," Wendv cooed.    "There were four hands and two mouths, Drew, recalled. "And with your eyes closed YOU couldn't tell who was who."    For the record, the hands working on Drew's cock belonged to Lynda Gayle; the tongue bath was all Wendy's. "That had to be the most intense hand and blow job ever,' Drew says. "When it was over I couldn't walk for ten or 15 minutes."     Fortunately, the boy wonder showed remarkable recuperative powers. And in a few minutes later Lynda kicked her husband out of the suite's master bedroom, where he may or may not have been going down on Sharon. "Tom likes a hairy pussy and I have one," the schoolteacher boasted.

     The evening's grand finale got under way. "Penetration occurred,' Drew confirmed, sounding like the director of mission control. "Wendy started to have the first of I couldn't tell you how many orgasms." "There was no time for counting,' Wendy apologized. 'For the entire night, I'd have to guess around 30, I'm blessed at being able to have multiples. But I got past the counting point."  "Every time I looked, there were more people getting incredibly turned on," said Drew, whose back had been to the crowd, but who could watch their ecstasy in the bed's mirrored head-board. "Lynda started to spank me."    Lynda portrayed the act as one of selfless public service. "He loves having his ass spanked,' she said without remorse. "But Wendy couldn't reach around."     It wasn't that Wendy's arms were too short, only that they were otherwise engaged. 'Her hand was masturbating so fast while he was fucking her, I could barely see it,' said Lynda, who's seen just about everything else.   " Lynda Gayle grabbed me and thrust me into Wendy," Drew recalled. "And I heard moans and screaming around the room as people were having orgasms."

    "He lost it,' Lynda said. 'He had this incredible orgasm that made his whole body go into uncontrollable contortions."
The party continued for Drew and Wendy when they got home. "For the next two or three days we had sex like rabbits," Drew reports. "I couldn't stop. I was so sexed it was ridiculous." The two of them can't wait for Club Relate's next meeting. And Wendy has good news for the other members. "I clung to Drew more than I will at the next meeting," she promises.